Is This Woman a 727 UnCorked Fan?

Uh, No, But We'd Like Her To Be...

Possum Holler-redneck Humor
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Is This Man a 727 UnCorked Fan?

Well, Yes...However, Right Now He's Reading The Comics Section...

...Geez, I Wonder What THEY Were Smoking?

...MORE OF THE SAME!

(DO YOU WANT THIS GUY ANYWHERE NEAR A NUCLEAR LAUNCH BUTTON?)

"Oh Doctor, I'm Plugged-Up Worse Than A Backed-Up Toilet!"

We hear you Osama Bin Laden, and help is on the way! You've got the "anti-shit's" my man, and we've got the cure!

Taliban Brand Extra-Strength Suppository!

Having a plug in your anus is no fun. It makes you grouchy, bad-tempered, and a real pain in the ass!

Taliban Brand Extra-Strength Suppository!

...your troubles are just a few pops away. That full feeling of shit will flow out with a few shots right-up the ol' wazoo!

You'll feel like dancing on a landmine, looking in the barrel of a loaded cannon and saying "fire in the hole!"

Well, you get the idea!-)

...and don't worry...

WE DELIVER!

(Photo Submitted By Ange)

John McCain On The Issues

Uh, lets see, 70+, has hard time reading from a teleprompter, and an even harder time winging it. Speeches sound canned. Can you say Republican party scrapping the bottom of the barrel? Even ultra-conservative FOX News commentators say McCain's speeches are, well, "they sound better on paper, then coming out of John's mouth." On the subject of contraception rights for women as well the economy, McCain admits he's unqualified to answer - but says his staff can! So we ask, why not run his staff instead? Remember, if you vote for John, you get what you see - a kindly old man who just doesn't connect. Granted, the staff at MALL 727 UnCorked feels McCain is a better choice than George W. Bush, king of the DUH's, but that isn't saying much. Put it this way, if John becomes President, he'll be 76 years-old at the end of his run. If he runs for a second election, he'll be 80 years-old at the end...you do the math! We say, it's time to change John's Depends - the fumes are getting to him! Then again, what is the GOP smoking these days?

McCain as President? ...yahooo!

"Have It Your Way" has taken on new meaning at the famed fast food restaurant. Seems an employee decided to take a bath...literally...in a clean-up sink off the food preparation area. Reason? Hey, it was the dude's birthday! Timothy Tackett, otherwise known as "Mr. Unstable" had nothing better to do, so, why not take a bath in the kitchen sink of a busy fast food joint? Geez, no wonder the food at the BK has taken on a new taste! The restaurant owners are not thrilled with the Tackett, then neither are the customers! Oh well, at least he's a lean side of beef to go. And of course, that's just what happened - along with the other employees on that shift. So where is this location with the Tackett Burger on the menu? Well, try the location on Orange Street in Xenia, Ohio - home of the Whopper! All is not lost of 'course, the company offered a contract for the new "Prince of BK" to abdicate the King...lets get his nasty pathetic plastic butt out of there!      

...by the way, the video shows Timothy blowing bubbles - and not with his mouth!

...anybody want a Timmy Burger and Lemonade with the works?  

Where's American Standard When You Really Need Them?

According to NASA, their Russian-Built Commode was quite a bargain at $19 Million Dollars. Well, that seems a little "pricey"  to us, even if it works! That's the problem - it doesn't! According to the spacemen, they heard a big "bang" from the toilet, and that was that. Seems a toilet needs to "suck" in space in order to work. So, the astronauts aboard the International Space Station tried doing it themselves. Using spare Russian plumbing parts, they were no better off. They can't take a shit or piss without suction, so both the Americans and Russians are crossing their legs in space...hope no one farts! Meanwhile Mission Control (strangely, aptly named) called their Roto-Rooter Specialist in from Al's Plumbing & Catering Service. Seems the plumber didn't understand Russian "Trouble Shooter" tips...but then no one else can anyway. 

So, the astronauts have come up with an interesting solution. They cut an opening in the suit's hind quarters and duct tape the suits to their asses. Next, they go out to the space port and tether themselves to the long robot arm, and extend it to open space...letting 'er rip a big one! According to the mission leader aboard the ISS, between three astronauts eating "Taco Bell" Ready To Eat" space meals, that arm gets quite a workout! The Russian toilet manufacturer is willing to send up a replacement unit for another $19 million, however, NASA decided to cut its losses and declined. Mission Control says the good stuff comes from Japan, so they "er" cut a deal with Kibo Laboratory & Plumbing Supplies out of Kanazawa, Japan for $2 million, plus shipping! Best yet, it comes with a three year "no quibble" warranty. The Russian toilet had a warranty too - "AS IS!" A British plumber is being sent up to install the damn thing right this time...boy, we'd hate to pay his overtime labor costs...opp's... that's right, we taxpayers are footing the bill! 

"like me, it REALLY SUCKS...doesn't it!"

"Best Wishes Suyanne - Under Neat that We will Miss you"

HUH?

We admit, we're a little stymied by the cake's inscription as well. And yes, the cake came from the Walmart in-store bakery. Betcha "Suyanne" was scratching her head over this one? So what happened?

Well, it seems a Walmart customer decided to order a "going-away" cake for a soon-to-be former staffer.

Lets listen in on the phone call via text;

Walmart Employee:   'Hello! 'dis be Walmarts, how can I hep' you?'

Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Walmart Employee:  'What you wan' on de cake?'

Customer:  'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that, 'We will miss you'.

Now we wonder two things?

First, how the Walmart "associate" ever passed a high school proficiency test for graduation?

Second, why Walmart would let this individual work in a bakery taking orders?

WALMART

...always low intellect, Always!

(Photo Courtesy: Ange)

...or, How Rev. Jesse Jackson "Outed" Himself!

For decades, Rev. Jesse Jackson spoke out against racism - however, now that there is a viable candidate who shares black and white heritages, Jesse wants to cut his balls off? Reason? Jackson claims that Obama talks down to blacks and "faith-based" remarks. We have a long memory Rev. Jackson, when you called New York City, "Hymietown" in 1984. So, Mr. Jackson, who's the racist now? Geez, for that matter, Jackson is racist against the people he claims to represent? Many decades ago, Jesse sat down and did an interview with a radio reporter during a live-link with a radio talkshow in his "Rainbow Coalition" days. If there was a live mike in front of him, Jesse wanted to talk. The reporter met him a few weeks later, this time without the mikes and cameras - Jesse ignored him. Even his own family is tired of Jackson's racist attitudes. Representative Jesse Jackson, Jr. is reported to be pissed at his dad's reckless statements, saying, "His divisive and demeaning comments about the presumptive Democratic nominee — and I believe the next president of the United States — contradict his inspiring and courageous career," In an apology to Obama, Jackson said, "My support for Sen. Obama's campaign is wide, deep and unequivocal." A state newspaper in South Carolina reported that Jackson had said Obama was "acting like he's white" in his response to the arrest of six black juveniles in Jena, La. Jackson disputed the quote. Its reported that Jackson and Obama are "not close", yeah, we believe that, would you want to "hang" with someone who wanted to cut your balls off?

If it wasn't so surreal, it would be sad...actually its a bit of both. Hot on the heals of the "cut his nuts off" remark, comes another gaffe from Jesse Jackson, this time he uses the "N" word. This one we won't print here. It should never be used in any conversation, EVER! Even Jesse feels that way - only Jesse used it according to FOX News during a commercial break in a recent television interview. The "N" word was used during his talks about Obama "talking down" to blacks on a July 6th, 2008 broadcast during the break. Here's the thing, Jesse is a Preacher. Jesse, not too long ago led a crusade against music artists and movie actors using the words in their performances - we agree with this totally. But it surprises us to see someone who condemns the usage of the word, but uses it in a public forum. Jessie, we've got to tell you man, when you walk into any radio or tv studio, always treat the mikes as if they are hot, and an engineer is checking his/her recording levels. Come-on, you've been around long enough to know that? Of 'course we could say, Jesse is having one of those "senior" moments - seems he's been having a "lot" of those lately. Jesse is not new to controversy, As a married preacher, he had a child through an extra-marital affair with a staffer in 2001 according to Wikipedia and CNN. Currently he is paying $3,000 a month in child support. So lets see, we have the "Hymie" remarks in the past, that he's "tired" of hearing about the Holocaust, and feels Jewish reporters do not have an ability to report impartially on Arab stories, and yes, that extramarital affair that produced a child. That brings us to Jackson's credentials as being a pastor are also a little controversial - according to Jackson, he claims that he decided not to take a professional career as a football player in order to attend racially-integrated University Of Illinois on a football scholarship, yet a year later, Jackson left for North Carolina A&T. So far, so good. However his account differs from a story done by ESPN. Jackson said he left "UI" because he found the school as racially-biased - including not being allowed to play quarterback despite being a star quarterback at his high school. And he further remarks that a speech professor demoted him to being an alternate in a speech competition - not a good move by the instructor in hindsight. However, his claims of racial discrimination on the football field is called into question by ESPN, because an African-American was a starting quarterback at the school that year. In addition, according to ESPN, Jackson left UI after being placed on academic probation. Following his graduation from A&T, Jackson went on to attend the Chicago Theological Seminary in study of becoming a minister. However, in 1966, he dropped out to focus on the Civil Rights Movement. In 1968, he was ordained without a Theological Degree, however, he was awarded an honorary theological doctorate from Chicago in 1990. He finally did earn his Master of Divinity Degree in 2000. So as of 2000, he really is a real Reverend with the papers to show it. So there we have it, A man with a Master of Divinity Degree with the title of "Reverend" using the "N" word during a break on a national news interview show. However, lets give Reverend Jesse Jackson credit for an unspecified apology to the Obama Family from Jackson while traveling in Spain... PS: Uh, Jesse...a little advice, treat every mike as hot!             

Rev. Al Sharpton Rides To Rev. Jesse Jackson's Rescue

We honestly have a lot of respect for Rev. Al Sharpton - he is more low key - and he knows when his mike is on - or at least has common sense not to say anything he would not want heard in a studio. As he puts it, everyone makes mistakes - and as humans, we have to agree.

"But we should not throw away everything when we err, and to say that Rev. Jackson made a mistake is correct, but to act like Rev. Jesse Jackson is not pivotal to our movement, our history ... is wrong."    - Rev. Al Sharpton -

Al is being a good friend to Jesse. He's sticking up for him...

Reverend Jesse Jackson was scheduled to speak at a recent gathering at the 50th Anniversary of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference on Tuesday, 7.29.2008...

...however, at the last minute, Jesse's press office said he couldn't make it - and they sent someone else instead...

The Reason He Couldn't Make Such An Important Election Year Conference?

...well, according to his press secretary...

"Jessie's On Vacation!"

A GOOD REASON TO STAY IN SCHOOL!

STUPID STUNTS ON CAMERA!

Watch these IDIOTS do dumb things & pay the price!

We're not sure what this person wants? Can you say mentally unstable? SURE YOU CAN! Guy is either higher than a kite, or his brain has been scrambled in a blender. In any case, who allowed this cretin near a keyboard? This idiot  doesn't even KNOW WHY HE's WRITING? We'd like to give him a bit of shock therapy - stick a large firecracker up his ass and light it! However, we're afraid it might blow his brains out...YEECH!

50 % reward on money recovered from microsoft Employment Fraud, stolen movies and stolen concert proceeds.

This case can also viewed by clicking on: www.AplusSoftware.NET/Theft.HTM or  www.TheftCase.Com

Yes, I am formerly commander and director Rapaport of the CIA.  The Central Intelligence Agency fired me so that they could get away with bank frauding me for money I made writing small parts of microsofts product line and for money I made writing various movies, with out being prosecuted. 

I practiced law enforcement for free for the 5 years I was in it part time in order so that they would not accuse me of conflict of interest or accepting gratuities for the money I made in the film, computer and music industries.  At this point I would rather sue the military for back pay and for denying that my career ever existed rather than be poor the rest of my life.

If we can get the military to admit this then we should be able to get 5 years part time pay at minimum of 70K per year which =

$175,000.00

Nigeria is the online junk mail capital of the world, no kidding! We get our mailboxes stuffed everyday with this garbage. First of  all, they are not writing to anyone in particular...and to be honest, you'd have to really be in a bag to not know this is a scam. Actually, the cretins who wrote this are in need of a good copywriter!

First of all, who is the Zenith Bank Of Nigeria, and what business do they have with us?

Official? Yeah R-I-G-H-T! They tell us we have an inheritance coming...oh GOODY, GOODY - we've got money on the way!

However, translations leave a lot to be desired in Nigeria;

" Secondly we have been informed that you are still dealing with
none Officials in the Bank for your entire attempt to secure the release
of the fund to you. We wish to advise you that such an illegal acts
like this has to stop if you wish to receive your payment since we
have decided to bring a solution to your problems."

...huh, say what? First, they are telling us we're getting nowhere...well we believe that! Then they inform us we've committing illegal acts...oooo, scary! Followed by they've got a solution to our problem! Well, we didn't know we had a problem in the first place?

They have arraigned payment thru their "swift card payment center"...yeah, "swift" is the right word to use!

...and they plan to send us this really neat ATM card! Well gee whiz, that's right neighborly of them!

The kicker is we need to send them our;

1.Full Name:
2.Phone and Fax Number:
3.Address where you want them to send the ATM CARD to{ p.o box not
accepted}
4.Your age and current occupation:
5.A copy of your identification:

...or everything THEY NEED in order to commit bank fraud!

Their mule is a fictitious Kenneth Scott!

Now here's the kicker, you can tell this letter has been kicking around for awhile...fiscal year "2007/2008" - uh, as this was sent in the last quarter of 2008, its kinda late, isn't it?

TO THE GOONS AT SO-CALLED "ZENITH BANK OF NIGERIA"

...may a camel with diarrhea sit on your face and defecate!

     5.12.1937 - 6.22.2008

When we heard the news, there was a sense of "wait,  he's too young, what happened?" The truth of the matter, George Carlin may have been intellectually young, but physically his body moved-on in natural progression. Our image of George Carlin was the guy with the beard and the long hair in the back with a receding hairline. Actually, George had changed his style a couple of times - but he remained the "hip" hippie from the mid-1960's on. He was a "comedian's Comedian", a rare performer who could do a complete show - sets of ten to fifteen minutes, and longer, and still hold an audience. In any case, Carlin will be truly missed by many generations who watched his performances, or listened to his recordings. George set the style of today's Road Comic, along with Lenny Bruce. So how can we pay tribute to a man who made us laugh - and think. We felt George could best be remembered in his own words...

- The Staff @ 727 UnCorked -